CLOSE FRIENDS

November 3, 2015

A colleague wondered aloud this morning why it seems that good friends sometimes refuse to answer calls or text messages when they have already moved to another place, when before when they were within the vicinity, they were so quick to text back even through simple greetings.

Sometimes one has to accept that these things do happen in life, and they are perfectly normal.  Because there is so much going on in our individual lives, the moment we go out of the radar of our old friends, we tend to spend less time connecting with them while getting busily connected with those within our immediate present circle.  Even family members who get separated by several miles and time zones tend to spend less time as the days go by with catching up on each other.  There are others who could go on for months and even years without saying even a hello to their loved ones.

I remember a memorable line in one of Emilie Loring’s novels, “Proximity is an insidious jade”.  I am not sure exactly what danger being near to other people one gets exposed to other than the danger of becoming all too familiar and exposing one’s vulnerabilities to others.  I know for a fact though, that the more we associate with the people closer to us, the more we influence each other.  And the farther we go from friends and loved ones, the more we tend to forget their faces, even though we may remember the happy times we shared with them.

Maybe this is the reason the Proverbs advise that people should have as many friends as possible, for “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity,”...”A man that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother,” ...”Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful,”... “Your own friend, and your father's friend, forsake not; neither go into your brother's house in the day of your calamity: for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off”.

And then again, the Preacher said these too in the book of Ecclesiastes: “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falls; for he has no one to help him up.”

When supertyphoon Yolanda came to ravage Eastern Visayas and whole families were swept away, those who survived mostly were not helped by their relatives and loved ones who were not there anymore, but by their neighbours and friends.  Although I have experienced it many times before, but still I say to those who are sad and depressed in feeling that their friends seemed to have left them behind, do not despair.  When our friends leave us and move on with their own lives, GOD will send us new ones to walk beside with along the journey.

DRESSING WELL

November 2, 2015

After church yesterday, Mom and I waited for the mall to open, and queued up beside two old ladies, who I believe were both retired teachers.  One commented on the state of dress of the young people who frequent the mall—how, many of them just wear shorts and rubber slippers like the mall is an extension of their home.  The other said that it is often like that in church too, when some of those in attendance wear short dresses and skirts, thus being a walking temptation to others.

I could only smile and nod in agreement.  Who am I to contradict such wisdom?  I have observed too that the young these days seem to have lost a certain sense of decency.  There might be others who are more sensibly dressed but who seemed to have lost all inhibitions when engaging in public displays of affection with their significant others.  While I do not condemn such practices, still, isn’t there a proper place for such things?

It seems to me that schools and many homes these days have stopped teaching basic manners and right etiquette.  We can hardly see any gentlemen anymore.  Wherever one goes, it’s every person for himself.  Old people are made to stand in buses. Lines and privileges for senior citizens are not respected.  Young people talk back to their parents and yell at other elders, be they relatives or strangers.  But the most non-verbal form of rebellion I see is the way of dressing. 

I grew up from a poor family but I never will forget the admonition of my elders and my teachers who belong to generations past who said that clothes can make or break a person.  Wear something that demeans your person and other people will lose their respect of you.  One does not have to wear brand-name clothes or colored hair or make-up.  As long as the clothes are neat and clean, and the hair properly kept, one is presentable already.  My best lifetime reminder would be the words of Audrey Hepburn which my maternal grandmother still says even on her deathbed, “your clothes should be tight enough to show you are a woman, and loose enough to show you are a lady.”  It simply means that your clothes should at best fit you properly.  If they are too loose, people will see a casual and irresponsible attitude in you.  If they are too tight, you would look like a whore (no offense meant).

I’d like to quote an oft-misinterpreted scripture from 1st Timothy 2:9-10 “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works”.  Many fundamentalists take the stand that this prohibits women from beautifying themselves, but in the book of Revelation, the ‘bride’ (GOD’s people) is adorned for Him.  And this admonition is not only applicable to women, but to men too.  Hence, beautifying ourselves is not bad per se, but it should not be our main purpose in life.  Rather, as mandated even by our country’s Constitution to all (supposedly) government servants, we should live modest lives. In this regard, modest living would mean good works manifested in being decent—both in attire and action, prudent, and well-mannered.

ALL OF THE SAINTS AND THE SOULS

November 1, 2015

If it had been another President, tomorrow would still be a holiday too, since today is officially Catholicism’s All Saints’ Day and tomorrow is All Souls’ Day.  As it is, we have a sitting duck who chooses to ignore the tenets of his own religion in favour of courting votes from other more vocal and less antagonizing (to him) religious groups, hence, he is choosing to gloss over the fact that his own religion espouses saint-hood and holy living, before honouring the dead (where there will be more chances to smile for the camera and earn more campaign pogi points).

I have nothing against the observance of these holidays since our country is predominantly Catholic.  As a born-again Christian though, I believe much has been emphasized on the pagan trimmings of these holidays rather than what the Holy Bible says and what the CBCP actually promotes.  I agree that these days should be understood as to their purposes more than having them as excuses for costume parties and drunken revelries.

If we go back to history, the name Halloween is actually a shortened form of the phrase ‘the evening before All Hallows’ (All Holy or All Saints).  When the Roman Empire combined the newly dressed Christian religion with their old gods, they brought this holiday with them, in which all forces of darkness gather to battle the forces of light that will come the next day.  Hence, ‘Halloween’ is themed with darkness and evil while ‘All Saints’ should be themed with angels and light.  ‘All Souls’ is actually a holiday where Catholics can confidently pray over their dead because of the victory of the forces of light the day before.  But as it is, all these days have been spent more on honouring the dead and partying for the dark forces (which have been made dangerously cute by letting small children don their costumes and knocking on all doors for trick-or-treat), and virtually none (except as a side note during Masses) to honour the Saints or those Christians who are already dead and are hailed as heroes and examples of godly living.

The Holy Bible says evil is real.  We should be careful what we let our children do and what kinds of cultures we expose them to.  If they think that these holidays are only focused on the dead and the underworld, they would fail to see that there is a day that reminds them to live lives worthy of the religion and the faith to which they are named.  Let us be careful not to let our children get the impression that they can run wild and glorify gore and violence as fun.  It is never a good thing to see somebody with all their entrails hanging out of their midsection, a long knife protruding from their bellies, their faces and bodies covered with blood/red paint, walking with their arms outstretched towards you, and thinking it is just a zombie so it is just for fun.  In real life, that person would most decidedly be dead, a victim of a crime, and there would also most decidedly be a criminal who was responsible for it. 

Instead of letting our children enjoy the show that the dead comes back to being an un-dead (which they never do) and it is okay to dress up as the devil and his demon-minions, shouldn’t we imbibe upon them more of the faith that we say we hold on to?  Where is our observance and faithfulness to our so-called ‘All Saints Day’?  Why is it that there was never a battle shown between the forces of darkness and the forces of light, with the side of light winning?  We should remember that just as good and evil are real, so are our souls, and so are the lives lived by the Saints we claim to emulate.  Why of all these four cardinal elements of the Christian faith, we spend so much money, effort and attention to glorifying that which is most decidedly destructive to our psyche and national consciousness?

CHILD-SITTING

October 31, 2015

My god-daughters came to the house today to spend some bonding time with me and mom.  We watched tv, played with toys and read some interesting books.  Mom commented that we may be virtually on the same age level since we like the same cartoons, movies, tv shows and are interested in the same types of toys.

What is it with spending time with children that makes us want to be children again?  Or maybe, it’s just me who hasn’t yet outgrown my love for the simpler things in life, and expressing it in my love for cartoons and colors?

The Proverbs said to “train a child in the way he should go, and he shall not depart from it”.  I personally have witnessed these in the lives of those around me.  Children who were trained to cultivate their minds, talents and interests with the full support of their parents, whether they had a lot of means or very limited ones, often end up being successful and happy with what they do.  While children whose interests and opinions were often neglected and disregarded by their parents, whether they had the means to do so or a true excuse of not having enough means, ended up being unhappy with the way things turn out in their lives.

When I was a child, I had a lot of interests that I believe even one lifetime is not enough to accomplish them.  Mom said that the family led me on a career that is most available to them economically, but which will only serve as a gateway.  Once I get a stable job I can pursue my other interests in life.  Which I realized was true to a certain extent.

When I turned one, Mom said that in the ‘quaint’ ceremony my grandmother performed on me, I chose the money first, then also picked up the pen.  That meant that I would grow up working for a living, but also pursuing my other interests in life.  Kind of like trying to do everything I need and want in life.

And that, I believe, is what I am doing now.  I value the work and career GOD has given me because it has enabled me to provide a means of livelihood for my family, and to help others who need it.  It has also given me the chance to pursue my other hobbies that make my life more meaningful and fun.  At the end of the workday, I would have done my task in helping settle the accounts of the organization I work in.  By writing, I would also have done my effort in organizing and settling my thoughts, emotions and soul in the greater scheme of things to which my life belongs.

So in effect, it was really not I who child-sat on my god-daughters, but their presence made me connect to the child within me, for indeed, “the child is father to the man / and I wish my life to be / bound each to each by natural piety” (‘My Heart Leaps Up’ by H.W. Longfellow)

SIDE BY SIDE

October 30, 2015

I reported back to work today and once again, pounded on the mounds of paperwork, which thankfully, were cleaned up at lunch time when we were early dismissed (by four hours), which the Honourable Chairman said should give us ample time to go home and prepare for All Saints’ and All Souls’ Days.

However, I spent a little bit of time during the break to catch up a little more on Mr. Carlos Bulosan, the one I mentioned in the previous post.  I learned that he spent the rest of his life in America, and also learned about all the hardships he encountered there from discrimination, even physical abuse he got for being a second-class brown minority.  Even if he became quite successful as a writer for the post-second world war literary audience and labour union activist, that wasn’t enough to sustain him.  He died of TB or bronchopneumonia around middle age.

It’s sad to know that our most brilliant people who are living and working abroad still encounter discrimination.  I believe the situation now may not have been as desperate as Mr. Bulosan’s time, but still there are people everywhere who think they have a license to maltreat others just because of the colour of their skin.  Even here in our country where presumably all of us share the same skin colour, there are others like the Tanim-Bala gang in our very own International Airport, who are so devoid of conscience in framing up other people (especially tourists and our beloved OFWs) just so they could extort money.

It really is a long overdue wake up call for one to see the irony in all these.  We Filipinos are so proud of being raised in the only predominantly Christian nation in Southeast Asia.  We even spend many days celebrating Catholic holidays like All Saints’ and All Souls’ Days and yet we fail to see the relevance of these things and how we can apply them in our daily lives.  When we go to the cemetery to honour our dead loved ones, of course, one can see that rich people are buried differently than the poor, but all of them are on the same level—six feet below the ground.  People who wouldn’t be found talking to each other even though they may be next door neighbours lie side by the side underneath their own tombs.  And when a number of years have passed, their bones are exhumed, tied up in sacks like old paper files, and piled together in bundles underneath the big cross.  Pretty soon, everybody turns to dust.

What we must remember though, is that we all reach the same end.  Hence, trying to set ourselves higher than others, and looking down on them just because we think we are better, is useless.  Nobody could give all the wealth in the world just to keep themselves from growing old or dying.  No matter our skin colour, the length of our noses, or the amount of knowledge inside our brains, we all die.  We are all ultimately side by side on equal footing before our GOD and Maker.  There should be no reason at all to live like beasts out to devour others just so we can survive in the race of life.  Because life is not a race, it is a journey.  And from what I read on Jewish thought and tradition, this is a journey we make with other people even as we learn about ourselves and others, as we learn about GOD, and as GOD learns about our humanity too.