EACH DAY IS UNIQUE

November 14, 2015

Every day is different.  This for one, started out warm, then overcast, then warm again.  On other days, it could be cloudy and humid, then hot, then downpours come.  Even each moment is once in a lifetime.

Mom asked if I had no regrets with how I related to some people in the past, who would have felt better had I been a little more conscious and sensitive.  I honestly cannot answer her.

I realized that as I was growing up, I spent more time being a child than transitioning into an adult.  I think I missed some parts of those moments that every other person has, except that I never really felt I missed them because I was busy doing the things I liked doing in my own little world.  I really played a lot--inside playing house, playing store or playing school, and under the sun--with friends when I was a kid.  But when they outgrew being children, I continued in that stage, now with younger playmates.  I remember being so good and earnest at making paper-dolls and paper-doll dresses that my cousins used to ask me to make theirs.  When they grew up and had other friends and threw away their paper dolls, I continued to be asked by the neighbours’ kids to make paper-doll sets even when I was in college.

Where other people are actively in the dating game, I spend my hours burying my nose inside a book.  Where other people spend their time going to the malls, people-watching and hunting for the next significant other, I am busy being a home-body--reading, drawing, colouring, making wall decals, posters and scrapbooks, sewing, gardening or watching home videos.  I do go to the mall every weekend, but then again, my slice of retail therapy are the supermarkets, the video shops, the school and art supplies stores and the bookstores. 

Maybe it comes with the upbringing.  Since I was raised from a poor family with a lot of relatives, and had to become the breadwinner since the first day I started working, I’d feel bad spending so much on activities that will not go down to the innermost parts of my soul after.  Meaning, I’d rather absorb the ideas in the book, be delighted by the colours of the rainbow coming out of my pens, be proud wearing my very own remodelled dress, and the wonderful possibilities a collage of cut-out pictures can bring.  (Good thing other people are picking up interests on colouring with the ever-growing phenomenon of adult colouring and the proliferation of adult colouring books nowadays.  Welcome back to childhood, guys!).

And I believe I’d continue being so.  Since I was born on the cusp, I would always be on the sidelines—an observer of life’s parade, and a recorder—whether in words or sketches—how each moment makes its impression.

THE HIGHEST MOON

November 13, 2015

One character in a tv drama mom and I watched said that when the moon is at its highest, it is at its brightest, but it is also in its loneliest.  It is actually a parable for people who when they have reached the peak of success shine brightest but actually are very lonely.  It is a beautiful way of saying that it is really lonely at the top.

For too many of us, we measure success by rising up the corporate or organizational ladder and achieving the highest position available.  For others, it is a race to sire the brightest, most talented, most beautiful children.  For some, it is getting married to the handsomest, most beautiful, most attractive person.  For others, it could be acquiring the latest gadgets with the most advanced features, the most famous brands or the most expensive jewelry.

But really, who are we kidding?  The top of any of the world’s highest mountains (symbolic of any position of power, fame and authority) is a space one can barely build a kitchen nor a dining room, meaning there is barely enough space to contain all the people whose opinions and affections matter in our lives.

Really, if life is Jupiter with its numerous moons, I’d rather belong to the lesser group.  There at least, is room for many of us, for many others with whom I can share and laugh with, with others with whom I can struggle through life’s journey.  I’d rather not be in the position of IO or Europa or Callisto where either one may be visible from light-years away here on Earth, but there is always the threat of competition, and there is no one to be called a family or a friend.

HARD CONVERSATIONS FROM A NOBODY

November 12, 2015

I often wonder why I write and publish my thoughts, even though I know that the only people who actually read them could be counted by the fingers of just one of my hands.  Why am I so worked up over the little things that I see in people when I myself (my attitudes, beliefs, philosophies and principles) am still a work in progress?  I guess I just feel uncomfortable keeping my thoughts to myself.

Almost everybody who knows me would agree that I am a very vocal person.  When I was little, I used to be an introvert.  But I was very curious too.  And even then, I was really observant, analytical and a deep thinker, with a habit of speaking sarcastically and bluntly, so that my mom’s friends and my playmates used to say that I was a bit strange (bordering on weird and quirky and almost paranoid).  I make friends quite easily, but it takes me quite a while to really trust somebody and open my heart and mind to them. 

Even now, though people say that I am candid and frank, and I do get to show my emotions quite spontaneously, but I am actually still keeping a deep cave inside of me to store up all my irritations and exasperations, my sorrows and pain, all my hurts, disappointments and resentments.  I actually distil all these emotions inside because I know that life is too short, I do not want to waste my time on useless anger and flatteries, and I want to only speak and act what I think is most appropriate for any given situation and to the right person.  And I try to do it every time so that it becomes a part of me, and comes out natural and authentic. (But in many instances though, when I feel like it, all the joy and happiness inside of me actually come out from every pore of my body, turning me red all over like a cooked shrimp, crab or lobster, which mom said were her favourite cravings when she was pregnant with me). 

I admit that many times I am hard-hitting, and to those who are actually offended, you have my sincerest apologies.  I know I actually do not have a right to question how people live their lives, how they do their work, how they manage their resources and relationships with others.  This is me, a nobody on the sidelines of life, butting into your affairs.  But you can just choose to ignore me all you want, and we would all feel better for it.  I just pray that in the end, we would all get what we want from life, and become better persons in the process.

I know that it is difficult and unseemly to be a modern-day prophet of doom and damnation, but in the interest of not keeping still when I see an injustice or unfairness or a falsity in others whom I am concerned with, just hear me out when I speak harshly, yet truthfully.  After all, when I am done with this life, that is just exactly what I want to leave to the world.  I may be financially poor, not good at communicating and updating with friends, and not too gentle, nice and kind, but believe my heart when I say that I may hurt you with my words, I may kill your ego with my speech, but this nobody only wants to learn with you that life could be better, that there is more to it if we just open our minds a little and our hearts a lot to the needs and dreams of each other.

ON THE JOB

November 11, 2015

Yesterday, a whole batch of accountancy undergraduates went to the office for orientation on the work of government auditors.  When I was a student, our orientation to government work was only on government accounting entries, but none of the practical work.  If there was any inclination in the curriculum then to introduce us to the real deal, it was all about corporate accounting, and none of the actual work of government accountants and auditors.

These efforts of schools are commendable, seeing that with the challenges of globalization and the volatility of world economies, most particularly our own, government service is being seen as a more lucrative and stable career opportunity.

However, like the adage that says that “genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration”, one could liken the work of government accountants and auditors to ten percent theory and ninety percent practice.  Hence, one could only learn how to do the job properly once exposed to actual work, with all its challenges, most particularly in dealing with other people.

It is important too, for one to continue learning and reviewing the laws, principles and concepts applicable to their job, and be updated with its never-ending pronouncements and guidelines.  Hence, the importance of maintaining an actual library of laws, rules and guidelines and actually reading and memorizing them too, and attending the seminars which are administered regularly by the Commission.

Somebody strongly complained at the office today why some of the items on her claim were deducted or disallowed, and even challenged the wisdom or the legal basis to do so.  I reminded her that if she has not forgotten the Circular which was issued decades ago which was not yet superseded, and refer to it in relation to the Executive Order which she was screaming in my ears, she would learn that the Commission cannot maintain a double standard while being strict when it comes to auditing other agencies’ disbursements, and being too lenient to the point of indulgence when auditing our own.  She would have been well advised to remember that government work is a privilege and not a right, hence, one could not just do what they want with it and get anything they want from it, but to always do their best to work efficiently and effectively, while ensuring that the government is not unduly burdened by excessive and unreasonable expenditures.

I’d say learning from school is good, but I’d say learning on the job is better.  In school, our minds are fed and we are asked to give output that goes back to us only, in terms of passing marks.  However, when one is actually working, we are being disciplined: first to apply the concepts we have learned from school and from the seminars in order to help achieve the aims of the organization we are working for; and second to get along well with people on two fronts: officially—since each person’s work is a part of a whole long process that has a concrete although intangible output of the human aspect of government service; and personally—since being made to spend more time at work than at home in any given day, our colleagues become more family to us than our blood and marriage relations.

PRIVILEGE AND RESPONSIBILITY

November 10, 2015

This morning’s devotional is on privilege and responsibility—how, as a Christian, we have been saved and blessed by the grace of GOD, and with that comes the responsibility to live the life necessary to uphold the Name by which that grace has been given.

One good example given was the life of King Solomon.  He was blessed with extraordinary riches and wisdom beyond imagination when he started his reign, but messed it all up when he married hundreds of women as wives and concubines, and engaged in idolatry by indulging in the idolatries and fetishes of his wives.

However, we may not have to look at such lofty ideals and archaic scenarios but instead we can only look at the people around us today.  Too many people have been born to or placed in positions of privilege and power, yet instead of using such to help those in need who really need their guidance and support, instead corrupt themselves in order to acquire more and stay in position for as long as they want, even ensuring generational successions and dynasties for their descendants even if these may be less qualified than others who would be more worthy to lead.

This is what Sir Ben Franklin has said about giving too much for a whistle.  When we do not learn to recognize the proper value of things, in this case, our GOD-given talents and blessings and how to properly use such things to share with and help others in need, we become ensnared in the trivialities and material things of life, and such greed could cost us dearly and may even be our ruin.

In the process too, most often, people lose their moral compass and get mired more and more in a life that may look good and glamorous on the outside, but inside is actually rotten and full of despair, hopelessness, lack of love and misery.

When I was in graduate school, and in the midst of two teachers clashing over principles and personalities, one reminded our class that “to those who are given much, much is demanded.”  If one has been blessed with intellect, wisdom, talents, riches, or position, such blessings are not to be for the personal edification and gratification of that person alone, but it is meant to be shared.  Again, this would be summarized as being a light for others and a salt of the earth.

In this world, too many people are suffering, without hope and often lacking in self-esteem.  If we are given the privilege to rise above the tragedies that life has given to us, such achievement should not merely be our stepping stone to rise ever higher if that means that we are going to leave behind a great many who might benefit from a little boost of help and encouragement.  We would have truly done our part in being a true human being if we have contributed to the betterment of others, be it financially, or a kind word or gracious deed.